[HELP] Pull text messages off daughters cell

[gadget945]

Okay, don't know if anyone can do it, but Sprint says they can't do it.

My daughter is 15 and was caught at the mall today with a 20 year old.

Long and dismal story behind all of this, but it's just a big mess.

Apparently, while in handcuffs in the back seat of a police car, she was able to erase all the text messages and reset her call history. I don't understand why they let her keep it.

She had a Samsung M520, and I tried to pull them off, but I don't have a data cable for this handset, and I think that they are just gone.

The nice lady officer tried to call Sprint, supposedly they have a toll free number that can put law enforcement in touch with Sprint and they will get access. The number doesn't work.

They let the guy walk off. I don't get that part, at all.

In any case, I'm just miserable now, because I want to just beat her, but hubby is supposedly handling the situation. They are talking right now. She has so much going for her, I just don't understand.

I actually don't want to beat her for what she did, it was for lying to her grandmother. While my mother and I don't get along, she is my mother. I won't tolerate anyone disrespecting her like that. She started mouthing off to her because she wasn't able to pick her up before we got there. I just about lost it. The officer was right by me and told me that we were on camera and that she knew what I wanted to do, but that she couldn't allow it right there.

BTW, it was kind of funny, because at that moment, the radio came alive and they informed her that I have a CHL, and that just changed the tone of the whole situation.

Okay, done ranting now. But seriously, if anyone has any ideas about recalling the texts, since Sprint can't, I would appreciate it.

Thanky!

In any case, if anyone knows of a way to do this via sd card, I would greatly appreciate any help.

[elboriyorker]

Originally Posted by gadget945

Okay, don't know if anyone can do it, but Sprint says they can't do it.

My daughter is 15 and was caught at the mall today with a 20 year old.

Long and dismal story behind all of this, but it's just a big mess.

Apparently, while in handcuffs in the back seat of a police car, she was able to erase all the text messages and reset her call history. I don't understand why they let her keep it.

She had a Samsung M520, and I tried to pull them off, but I don't have a data cable for this handset, and I think that they are just gone.

The nice lady officer tried to call Sprint, supposedly they have a toll free number that can put law enforcement in touch with Sprint and they will get access. The number doesn't work.

They let the guy walk off. I don't get that part, at all.

In any case, I'm just miserable now, because I want to just beat her, but hubby is supposedly handling the situation. They are talking right now. She has so much going for her, I just don't understand.

I actually don't want to beat her for what she did, it was for lying to her grandmother. While my mother and I don't get along, she is my mother. I won't tolerate anyone disrespecting her like that. She started mouthing off to her because she wasn't able to pick her up before we got there. I just about lost it. The officer was right by me and told me that we were on camera and that she knew what I wanted to do, but that she couldn't allow it right there.

BTW, it was kind of funny, because at that moment, the radio came alive and they informed her that I have a CHL, and that just changed the tone of the whole situation.

Okay, done ranting now. But seriously, if anyone has any ideas about recalling the texts, since Sprint can't, I would appreciate it.

Thanky!

In any case, if anyone knows of a way to do this via sd card, I would greatly appreciate any help.

Well first of all i have to say that beating her, well not resolve any issues, i have a 18 year old and i went through some stuff with her...but didn't involve in beating her...Plus i couldn't see myself hitting her beings that she a girl and I'm heavy hand-it...But anyways punishment and taking stuff away from her will work becasue it surely worked for me..lol

But to the story sprint is full of crap.They can retrieve any sms,text and whatever from the system.What need's to be done is your local DA office has to subpoena all the sms and text message from that number and it has to be done through the Security prevention in sprint or whatever they call it now.

also i wanted to add that sprint rep or sales associate has no way of getting this anyways.


good luck:glasses1:

[gadget945]

So it's like I thought, a regular rep can't do anything. I don't know if they are going to pursue charges against this guy or not. Story goes that she told him she was 18. I'm guessing since they let him walk, they aren't going to do anything. Supposedly he didn't have any ID on him, so they only have a name and date of birth on him. I have the license plate on the vehicle, and have a friend checking on it for me.

Bottom line, it takes two.

I've got to get her straight, or there's no telling what's going to happen to her. I thought she had more sense than to do something like this again. She had a 24 year old boyfriend, and he's in prison now for being with her.

I thought she was safe because she was supposed to be with her grandmother.

I just wanted to confirm her story, on who this guy is, that's why I wanted the texts. I don't think the DA is going to do anything, so it's a moot point now.

I won't beat on her, my husband is still talking to her. After calming down a bit, I realize that she's worried now, because I haven't yelled at her or anything, she doesn't know what to expect now.

Thanks for the reply. If anyone can think of a way to get the texts without getting a subpoena, I would appreciate it.

[Superman369]

Your right, no DA in any city will touch that case without a complaining witness. If your daughter was saying they were intimate, that would be one thing, but it will go nowhere if she says they are just friends and they were hanging out at the mall.

[NINE'SICKS]

1st off i wanna thank u for sharing this with all us junkies, i can understand how difficult it might be to have ur life out there for everyone to read but we all feel for u. i have a 6yr old and i cant imaging what i would do if i was in ur shoes.. well as a father im sure id have a real long talk with that guy :scooby_02::scooby_02:

im not sure how things r in texas but in california i didnt have any legal reasons nore did i involve the cops in any of my business but a a couple yrs ago i was with a chick who i thought was cheating on me, she would always delete sms/mms/calls b3 comming to my house.. well seeing as my name was on the account we shared i walked over to the local sprint store ask the rep behind the counter for a printout of all sms/incomming-out going calls and a day or 2 later i went back and they have a white manila envelope with the sprint logo in it and i had a couple hundred pages with all the info i wanted, long story short IMO depending on who u talk to and the mood there in u might be able to get the info u want..

id give it some time for things to die out and wait a month then go to sprint and ask for a print out of what ever month u need. this helped me alot i hope it does u. one more thing, every year for my b-day i call sprint and ask to restrict incomming-outgoing text messages and they always tell me to remember and call them back or i wont get any sms.. id try doing that incase u feel she cant be trusted.

[raybond25]

Originally Posted by gadget945

Okay, don't know if anyone can do it, but Sprint says they can't do it.

My daughter is 15 and was caught at the mall today with a 20 year old.

Long and dismal story behind all of this, but it's just a big mess.

Apparently, while in handcuffs in the back seat of a police car, she was able to erase all the text messages and reset her call history. I don't understand why they let her keep it.

She had a Samsung M520, and I tried to pull them off, but I don't have a data cable for this handset, and I think that they are just gone.

The nice lady officer tried to call Sprint, supposedly they have a toll free number that can put law enforcement in touch with Sprint and they will get access. The number doesn't work.

They let the guy walk off. I don't get that part, at all.

In any case, I'm just miserable now, because I want to just beat her, but hubby is supposedly handling the situation. They are talking right now. She has so much going for her, I just don't understand.

I actually don't want to beat her for what she did, it was for lying to her grandmother. While my mother and I don't get along, she is my mother. I won't tolerate anyone disrespecting her like that. She started mouthing off to her because she wasn't able to pick her up before we got there. I just about lost it. The officer was right by me and told me that we were on camera and that she knew what I wanted to do, but that she couldn't allow it right there.

BTW, it was kind of funny, because at that moment, the radio came alive and they informed her that I have a CHL, and that just changed the tone of the whole situation.

Okay, done ranting now. But seriously, if anyone has any ideas about recalling the texts, since Sprint can't, I would appreciate it.

Thanky!

In any case, if anyone knows of a way to do this via sd card, I would greatly appreciate any help.

****ing 15 yr old girls (no offense to yours). this is why i stick with the older girls :glasses1: lol

but honestly, i dunno if taking her phone away or punishing her like that would do it...girls take friends phones and text with them all the time anyways, i honestly think that getting your point across by talking to her is the best route. if she has any sense she might see that what you're saying is right and that there's reasoning behind it.

[gadget945]

Well, here's the issue with the "talking" - she's been in therapy, at the suggestion of the DA and the Detective involved in the other boyfriend case. She's been going for over a year now.

I don't necessarily blame the therapist, but the whole thing of trying to "talk" to her and giving her a little more freedom was based mostly on what the therapist suggested we do.

I'm really at a loss right now as to what to do. I've been thinking about it a lot, and part of me wants to lock her in a room til she's 18, and the other part wants me to just let her do what she wants. NOT.

Anyway, I'll go to Sprint in a week or so, and see if they can get me the texts. My local store knows me well, after the years of going to see them, and we shall see.

I thank everyone for their input. I really do. I guess I mainly posted this because of the wonderful community feeling here. Partially too, internet anonymity is a wonderful thing. Very freeing!

Hubby and I are going to decide on things tomorrow, for now, no phone and internet, and we shall see from there.

[raybond25]

Originally Posted by gadget945

Well, here's the issue with the "talking" - she's been in therapy, at the suggestion of the DA and the Detective involved in the other boyfriend case. She's been going for over a year now.

I don't necessarily blame the therapist, but the whole thing of trying to "talk" to her and giving her a little more freedom was based mostly on what the therapist suggested we do.

I'm really at a loss right now as to what to do. I've been thinking about it a lot, and part of me wants to lock her in a room til she's 18, and the other part wants me to just let her do what she wants. NOT.

Anyway, I'll go to Sprint in a week or so, and see if they can get me the texts. My local store knows me well, after the years of going to see them, and we shall see.

I thank everyone for their input. I really do. I guess I mainly posted this because of the wonderful community feeling here. Partially too, internet anonymity is a wonderful thing. Very freeing!

Hubby and I are going to decide on things tomorrow, for now, no phone and internet, and we shall see from there.

The "no phone and internet" thing...This isn't really directed at you more general, but taking stuff away like this really just makes most kids more bitter and less likely to listen to their parents than making them realize they've done something "wrong" so to speak. I'm a kid, I like to think I'm a pretty good kid to be honest, my parents have never had to ground me or anything like that :25: (took me so long to find that smily) anyways, being around kids my age all the time I see that kids just tend to rebel even more when grounded and punished like that... I dunno, I'm pretty angelic (lol tooting my own horn) and this is just my third party impartial view on the whole issue. Sorry if I've offended you or anything...

I can't judge whether or not this applies in your case anyways *shrugs*

[PsyChoTk]

Originally Posted by raybond25

The "no phone and internet" thing...This isn't really directed at you more general, but taking stuff away like this really just makes most kids more bitter and less likely to listen to their parents than making them realize they've done something "wrong" so to speak. I'm a kid, I like to think I'm a pretty good kid to be honest, my parents have never had to ground me or anything like that :25: (took me so long to find that smily) anyways, being around kids my age all the time I see that kids just tend to rebel even more when grounded and punished like that... I dunno, I'm pretty angelic (lol tooting my own horn) and this is just my third party impartial view on the whole issue. Sorry if I've offended you or anything...

I can't judge whether or not this applies in your case anyways *shrugs*

Not to thread crap but, as a parent and in todays society I see all to often "kids" feel like its their divine right to get cell phones, computers, etc. or whatever else they want. Since the daughter deleted the info in her phone, there could have been stuff to hide? Maybe she lied to the young lad and there was proof on her phone she misled him. Maybe not. Either way she needs to learn there consequences for her actions.
As a kid your job is to go to school, get good grades, go to college and do better than your parents. I assume that gadget is paying for the phone? So why not take it away for a determined amount of time? Whats wrong with that?

As a child, in Florida anyway, kids dont have a leg to stand on if the parent is disciplineing their child. Everything from grounding to taking away the car, taking away the cell phone etc. Again in Florida, its the parents job to raise their child. So taking away the phone for a couple of months doesnt sound too bad to me. Sounds like it needs to be done.
Trust is the easiest thing to maintain. But once its gone, its hard to get that trust back. How can gadget945 truly trust their daughter in the future?
I also have a daughter whos 13. She has a phone on my plan and she knows its a gift not a right. BTW I just gave her my old Mogul. And since its a gift I can turn it off for any reason. Not that I would, but she knows what the rules are. Since we talked before I got her a phone.
I could drone on for hours on a soap box about this but the bottom line is, gadgets daughter was caught in a very touchy situation. Gadget needs to gets thier hands on the texts to see what was going on. And how do we know the young lad was not grooming the daughter for future carnal knowledge. If you need any clarification on the aforementioned sentence, ask supe.

[Superman369]

Originally Posted by raybond25

****ing 15 yr old girls (no offense to yours). this is why i stick with the older girls :glasses1: lol

but honestly, i dunno if taking her phone away or punishing her like that would do it...girls take friends phones and text with them all the time anyways, i honestly think that getting your point across by talking to her is the best route. if she has any sense she might see that what you're saying is right and that there's reasoning behind it.

Yea but Ray, isn't a 15 year old girl already like.....5 years older then you?????

[GokuSS3]

Originally Posted by Superman369

Yea but Ray, isn't a 15 year old girl already like.....5 years older then you?????

LOL that was really funny but messed up haha

[gadget945]

Originally Posted by Superman369

Yea but Ray, isn't a 15 year old girl already like.....5 years older then you?????

you are sooo kewl.

Thanky to all.

I am going to get the texts as soon as possible.

This is not the first time this has happened. It's taken a while for us to give her back a phone. We went over the rules, and she just slowly got back her privileges to do stuff and have friends over. I honestly thought that she would be okay at her grandmother's house. She has been making good progress, I don't know what happened to her.

She does have a sense of entitlement, and that is partially my fault.

I could blame my mother, society and a whole slew of other things, but the bottom line is that she thought she could get away with it and got caught. This is just one time that I know what happened. What about all the other times that she did stuff and I didn't know about it?

The thing that gets me is the counselors and therapists have all been pointing the finger at me, I'm too strict, I need to give her some leeway or she'll just rebel more; all of that stuff.

Well, I have come to the conclusion that regardless of what she has, if she doesn't know she has to follow the rules at home, then she won't follow the rules any where else. I refuse to let her run wild, and I don't care what anyone else says.

She's already ruined one guy's life, he's 24 and doing 5 years for being with an adolescent. He will be deported upon his completion, and if found in the US again, it will incur federal time. He didn't know how old she was, and she told the investigators that she never told him how old she was.

I really am at a loss as to what to do with her, other than make sure that she knows that I love her and that I am only concerned with her safety and well being. I worry about her future and I want her to have all the things I never had. She says that she understands all this. So, the conclusion that I have come to after 12 hours of contemplation is this - she may hate me, but she knows I love her. She will follow the rules and do what is expected of her. If she doesn't, then she will be miserable, but that is her choice to make. If she can choose to have sex, then she can choose whether or not to follow the rules.

[VenumX]

As a 21 year old, I can say that I would NEVER...EVER...even think about looking twice at a girl that is 15 years old. That is just completely ridiculous; however at the same time there are a lot of guys out there that would love to date a girl 5 or 6 years younger than them. I think if you want to solve the problem you have to get to the route of it first; in this case it's where is she meeting guys 20 - 24 years old? I'm not sure of the school situation, but I'm pretty sure there is no one that old at her school... Myspace maybe? Facebook? If you can find out where she is meeting these guys maybe a punishment more related to the crime would be more suitable/affective. I mean you don't usually make acquaintances with someone by means of phone, it's usually a social networking site of some kind these days. Taking a way her phone will show her that there are consequences, but the more important lesson to learn is that the consequence for everything you do isn't always going to be taking away your phone, the punishment most always fits the crime. You don't always get the death penalty for every crime you commit, you know? I know it is more work on your end and I may just be talking your eyes out, but this is just what i feel would be a better learning experience for her.

<3 gadget!! :)

[gadget945]

Venum -

The story that I got is that it is a friend of a friend of a friend from school thing. Supposedly not on myspace or facebook.

I haven't had internet access at the house in a while, and run solely off an aircard or wifirouter and the PPC. Because of this situation.

My brother is supposed to go and check out the computers at my mom's house tomorrow and see if there is anything on them that will tell us how she met the person in question.

She is now grounded from internet access and lost her cell phone for at least 3 months. She may get it back once school starts, since it's got the sprint family locator running on it. Definitely will not have text messaging or any perks on it.

For now, since it's summer, she is going to be within eyesight of me unless she's in her room. Sounds harsh, but like I told her, if I could trust her, then she wouldn't have to be hanging out with her mother all summer. She has to understand that she brought this on herself, based upon her choices, these are the consequences.

[raybond25]

Originally Posted by Superman369

Yea but Ray, isn't a 15 year old girl already like.....5 years older then you?????

jackass. lol you know i'm 15 myself.

touch, i suppose...touch

[D/\SH]

hey gadget hun, i have read through this thread and jsut completed and all the thoughts that i have heard through what mentioned by the members here are very good. im a newly turned 22 year old male and so being 15 wasnt that long ago and def within rememberance period. if i were to do this my parnts would have done the same and took away the cell phone and internet access. but as a kid your thinking that ill just go to a friends house after school and get online or use her phone to text people. there is always a way around everything and face it kids will use them. you cant be watching 24-7 and she will hopefully realize that what she is doing isnt going to get her anywhere but possibly pregnant, kidknapped, murdered, hurt, used, abused, etc. the reason you are doing this is because you do love her since she is your daughter. even when i knew i was in the wrong for not ratting on my buddy i got the dsame charge and had to have my mom pick me up from school (later dropped weith completion of class and community service) and it was a quiet road and she was pissed but all she would say is that i still love you. right than i knew that i had really hurt my mother by doing what i did and to me that was worse than any other punishment possible. my mother told me it was up to me to show up for my probation meetings, to go to my classes, and to complete the community service. she basically told me sicne i was making adult decsions i had to be the adult and take care of this. i did becasue i knew where my life would go if i didnt. my advice is to let her cool down herself sicne she is feeling upset that she was caught and that she hurt you, and than tomorrow take her out one on one for lunch or dinner and talk to her. tell what what you are worried about how it truely does make you feel with her actions. show her the reason that you keep punishing is because you do care for her and love her. dont hold anything back even if she or you starts to cry. you have to get it all out and be upfront with her. dont sugar coat anything just say it straight from the heart and prove to her that you want what is best for her and share mistakes that you have made in the past with her if they pertainto the point of the conversation....... not only can you learn from your mistakes but she could too... if you need anything hun feel free to give me a call the phone is always on

much love to you
dashy

[gadget945]

OMG - I'm gonna cry. I've read and reread everything. Y'all are just too good me. I appreciate all the advice and words of wisdom. Y'all might understand just how much physical energy it takes to maintain a calm exterior.

Today is the day after. Haven't really talked to her. She got up and did all her chores, cleaned her room, done her laundry; things I usually have to tell her to do. Hubby has made of list of everything he has come up with for her to do, cobwebs, sweeping, dusting, and cleaning her brother's pig sty of a room; more to come. She is in all AP classes and has coursework that has to be done over the summer, so she's doing that too.

Hubby is her step-father, but they are pretty tight. She calls him or asks him for something before she asks me. It's taken years to get him to understand that we need to make decisions together. She is freaking right now, because he got mad. He isn't the one that raises his voice or tells her no, and he did both yesterday. They are working around the house together today.

She has asked what I am going to do, and he tells her that I am still thinking about it.

So far, I have taken her cell phone. She still has her iPod and stereo in her room. She isn't going anywhere and there isn't a phone at the house, nor internet access. She's basically on house arrest for now.

Her grandmother called today and wanted to know if she was still alive. I told her yes, she was. It's not my mother anymore, I think she was abducted by aliens when my kids were born, this is a grandma alien version of my mother . I would have never thought about doing anything like this when I was a kid, because she wouldn't have killed me, just made me wish I was dead.

I am supposed to have the information on the boy in question some time today. No worries, we haven't planned on doing anything to him. Just want to get his side of the story.

[HepCat]

I want to preface what I'm about to say with this, I don't think that you've done, or are doing anything wrong, I actually think, as a parent too, that you're handling this very well.

There's a case breaking in Arizona right now about a mom that let a homeless 19 year old live in her home. She caught her 14 year old girl having sex with him twice before she kicked him out of the house. The police and prosecutors have now uncovered that there was a "long term" sexual relationship between the two of them while the mom was around, he's in jail and she's now under investigation for negligence. Hopefully this will be coded correctly:

http://www.eastvalleytribune.com/story/140494

If not I beg for forgiveness and the help of one of the moderators.

Again, I'm not suggesting that you are doing anything wrong, and I don't really know the facts in the local case, but I think that it might be something that your daughter needs to hear about, She might not, because of her age think that what she's doing could have any effect on anyone other than herself and her body when in fact it could be turned around on you, her step dad, or even Grandmother, especially since this is a second time situation. I know from my experience as a dad that kids that age just don't think about the long term consequences of their actions and who else can feel the effects, whether it's intentionally or not.

Just to thoroughly beat this point to death, I'm not implying anything, it just seems relative to your situation and possibly a point of communication between you and your daughter that she might not even be able to conceive at this juncture. Keep your chin up, if there's a way to make this a positive learning experience for her it will undoubtedly make her a stronger adult female. That's what we're here for as parents.

It could get harder before it get's easier but this too shall pass!

Randy

[gadget945]

thought for sure that i had posted a reply. My bad.

Update - she's still alive. Boy is MIA, dunno where he went to.

Went to therapy with her yesterday, and things are making some progress.

She still doesn't have her phone, won't have it at least until she goes back to school. Sprint Family Locator rocks BTW.

Tried to explain what kind of damage this can do to her, her rep, and her future. Other people have tried to do the same. Dunno what to do at this point.

I appreciate all of the thoughts, advice and such from everyone.

I'm hoping that things work out with her, I'm trying to figure out what to do next.

Thanks again!

[PHE-NOM]

Originally Posted by gadget945

thought for sure that i had posted a reply. My bad.

Update - she's still alive. Boy is MIA, dunno where he went to.

Went to therapy with her yesterday, and things are making some progress.

She still doesn't have her phone, won't have it at least until she goes back to school. Sprint Family Locator rocks BTW.

Tried to explain what kind of damage this can do to her, her rep, and her future. Other people have tried to do the same. Dunno what to do at this point.

I appreciate all of the thoughts, advice and such from everyone.

I'm hoping that things work out with her, I'm trying to figure out what to do next.

Thanks again!

well, im 27 an a father of 2(boys), i dont want a girl because of this same very reason, thats why i applaud the fact that you aint hit her with a 2x4 yet. but here is the crude reality, no matter how much you talk or beat her, SHE IS GOING TO DO WHAT SHE WANTS. believe me, i was BEAT and talked to as a kid/teenager, and im not complaining about it either, because NOW i understand my parents only wanted the best for me, but SHE HAS TO BE A WOMAN FOR HERSELF. there is only so much you can do now, but hope that she matures and lives through it. i know it sounds bad, but now and days 15 year old kids know so much that is almost impossible to control them! unless you lock them up with a chain......but thats not gonna help, since as soon as you let them out they will go back to doing what they want. so my only advice is that you keep doing whatever you can, but dont ever blame yourself for anything your kids(daugther) does, just remember that you did everything that you could. because at the end of the day you are only responsible for you..... thats the crude facts of life..... even thou it sounds wrong, you can only control what you do...... you can PROLONG her from doing what she wants, but sooner or later she is gonna reach the age when she can do it...... in the mean time, lock her up! hahaha.

[Longfist]

Hi,I dont know the complete story.
But i see its a hard situation,not only for u,also for her.
Because she is unexpirianced and probably scared also.
The thing is,what said this therapist?What therapy is she under?
How is it going?These al are mentaly verry problematic issues.
A teenager that rebels...ok.But like i read whats happening i think there is more going on then that.This u need to find out with the therapist or psychologe.
About punishment...Maybe this situation mentaly is already a punishment.
If u give acces to the internet,u should use a chatlog and fix the system u can see all history,with that information u can see what she does and whats going on.
We had a sort situation her to,was no fun and verry stressy.
I hope everything works out fine,and probably it will.
Its the casual story of "the lost son".
Dont let the situation get to yourself get to hard,it will work out .
This is a matter of time.
grtz

[gadget945]

That's a lot of ground to cover. This isn't the first time she's gone and done something stupid like this. She's got a 24 year old who is in prison and won't get out for another 4 years. That's how she got started in therapy, CPS suggested it, and they are paying for it. Once a week for the last year. Marriage and family therapist with a specialty in teenagers in "jeopardy"

We hadn't had a "family" session before yesterday. Think things are working themselves out. Not sure yet, don't want to jinx it.

She doesn't have internet access. I'v taken away her cell. she's not in communication with anyone anymore. She's not going to her grandmother's anytime soon.

Being a teenager sucks. I know she's been through some other stuff, her biological father has gone MIA, gets a birthday card every other year, stuff like that. They say it's my fault he doesn't have access his kids. Order says he can come over whenever he wants, literally, whenever. Only catch is that he has to be sober when he shows up. Well, he hasn't seen them in over two years now. He lives like 45 minutes away on the other side of Houston. Can spend money on booze and dope, but can't stay sober long enough to come and see them.

So couple the teenager blues/angst with being literally abandoned by your father, so she's got some issues.

She's got a lot going for her too. All AP classes, active in JROTC, very intelligent kid. So I cut her some slack. Well, apparently I gave her too much. Not anymore.

The saying goes, you give trust away, but once it's lost, it takes forever to get it back.

Whew, that was a lot.

[Longfist]

Originally Posted by gadget945

That's a lot of ground to cover. This isn't the first time she's gone and done something stupid like this. She's got a 24 year old who is in prison and won't get out for another 4 years. That's how she got started in therapy, CPS suggested it, and they are paying for it. Once a week for the last year. Marriage and family therapist with a specialty in teenagers in "jeopardy"

We hadn't had a "family" session before yesterday. Think things are working themselves out. Not sure yet, don't want to jinx it.

She doesn't have internet access. I'v taken away her cell. she's not in communication with anyone anymore. She's not going to her grandmother's anytime soon.

Being a teenager sucks. I know she's been through some other stuff, her biological father has gone MIA, gets a birthday card every other year, stuff like that. They say it's my fault he doesn't have access his kids. Order says he can come over whenever he wants, literally, whenever. Only catch is that he has to be sober when he shows up. Well, he hasn't seen them in over two years now. He lives like 45 minutes away on the other side of Houston. Can spend money on booze and dope, but can't stay sober long enough to come and see them.

So couple the teenager blues/angst with being literally abandoned by your father, so she's got some issues.

She's got a lot going for her too. All AP classes, active in JROTC, very intelligent kid. So I cut her some slack. Well, apparently I gave her too much. Not anymore.

The saying goes, you give trust away, but once it's lost, it takes forever to get it back.

Whew, that was a lot.

Yes i am starting to get a vision on the situation.
It looks verry familiar to what happend here with us.
Now i need to know a couple things....
What are her interesses?Do u think she wants to go the bad way?
Then i mean is she interested in drugs criminality,hangs alot with people who do this,Lies alot,has for everything a nice story or an excuse,no stabile caracter(then shes happy then sad)acts every day different,when others are around she changes attitude,did she stole things,did she run away from home couple times,do u think she would walk over bodys to get what she wants?

If the things i ask u copy to her caracter,i know what this means.
And yes there is therapy for this,but its hard,not only for her,but sometimes much harder for people who are close to this person like family.

If this comes with women,when groing older and having kids this syndrome takes off.depends on the person.
If therapy,then i mean hospitalisation,couple months.

With us the problem was she could go to her father(who also is in bad mental state)drinking etc.So we was in no position to give her the therapy she needed.now she lives with a dude who has also criminal record and will be convicted soon,for drugs extorsion steeling burglary and on and on.

as far we know shes taking drugs from her 13 (now 18) and lieing steeling hurting people(mentaly)trust me it was a verry hard situation.

Good thing in the situation was,i studied psychology,psychopatholgy etc.
So i could almost read her mind and i knew every step she was up to.

A persons caracter is being completed by age of 15,from on that moment its almost impossible to change the way a person thinks.

U dont have to blame urself in this situation,because like i think u did everything to make the best of this situation.Being good sometimes is bad.
I know being hard to a kid and gets traight lines in what she can and cant do is not easy.When limititing your kid or punishing it,its painfull.
But its also less tollerated thse days,some diccipline and boundrys,but also she needs to see love,so she realy knows what this is.

Maybe the case is not as i discibe,but i think it is.
Best thing is to stand mentaly above this and see in from another angle.
From what i readed in all your posts i know u are intelligent.
So u will work out this situation,and find the perfect solution.

I feel with u.
grtz

[gadget945]

What are her interesses? Horses, music
Do u think she wants to go the bad way? Not sure about that, don't think so.
is she interested in drugs criminality Not intentionally, my shop is in a bad area, and she sees a lot of criminal activity, prostitution, drug use, etc. Not first hand witnessing of it, but the people are around, and she sees thathangs alot with people who do this Again, not intentionally, no one in her immediate family does that. Her older sister has admitted to drug use, she lives with her ex-mother-in-law
Lies alot what teenager doesn't. With that as a guide, I would say no more so than any other kid.
has for everything a nice story or an excuse no
no stabile caracter(then shes happy then sad)acts every day different no
when others are around she changes attitude that depends, grandparents, parents, siblings, she acts different than she does at school.
did she stole things not to my knowledge
did she run away from home couple times no
do u think she would walk over bodys to get what she wants? excepting her brother, no I don't think so.

hope this answers all your questions. I think I got them all. She has been behaving herself for the last few days. Not like she has much choice. She is counting down the days to school, so that she can get out from under my thumb.

[tlpalmer01]

gadget i wish that u and your family have everything work out, i have said a prayer for u....

[gadget945]

Originally Posted by tlpalmer01

gadget i wish that u and your family have everything work out, i have said a prayer for u....

thanky sweetie, I do appreciate it. think the one thing that's been helping not rip her head off is being able to vent about it on here.

[Longfist]

Lol ripping heads off.
About the things i asked....well its good its not the way i tought it was.
Maybe some relaxation wil be good...zen
If u want ill send u something realy good.
grtz

[austinator]

Originally Posted by gadget945

you are sooo kewl.

Thanky to all.

I am going to get the texts as soon as possible.

This is not the first time this has happened. It's taken a while for us to give her back a phone. We went over the rules, and she just slowly got back her privileges to do stuff and have friends over. I honestly thought that she would be okay at her grandmother's house. She has been making good progress, I don't know what happened to her.

She does have a sense of entitlement, and that is partially my fault.

I could blame my mother, society and a whole slew of other things, but the bottom line is that she thought she could get away with it and got caught. This is just one time that I know what happened. What about all the other times that she did stuff and I didn't know about it?

The thing that gets me is the counselors and therapists have all been pointing the finger at me, I'm too strict, I need to give her some leeway or she'll just rebel more; all of that stuff.

Well, I have come to the conclusion that regardless of what she has, if she doesn't know she has to follow the rules at home, then she won't follow the rules any where else. I refuse to let her run wild, and I don't care what anyone else says.

She's already ruined one guy's life, he's 24 and doing 5 years for being with an adolescent. He will be deported upon his completion, and if found in the US again, it will incur federal time. He didn't know how old she was, and she told the investigators that she never told him how old she was.

I really am at a loss as to what to do with her, other than make sure that she knows that I love her and that I am only concerned with her safety and well being. I worry about her future and I want her to have all the things I never had. She says that she understands all this. So, the conclusion that I have come to after 12 hours of contemplation is this - she may hate me, but she knows I love her. She will follow the rules and do what is expected of her. If she doesn't, then she will be miserable, but that is her choice to make. If she can choose to have sex, then she can choose whether or not to follow the rules.

I will first admit that I only glimpsed through this thread and that my response here will probably not be the best, but what i can say is this:

DO NOT let everyone tell you that you are too strict. There's an old saying, "you made your bed, you have to lie in it" and that's exactly what she needs to do. She needs to understand that the world is not all about what she wants to do. Sometimes you just need to be hard on them, because as a parent it's not your job to be her friend, it's your job and your responsibility to be her parent. To help her learn how to make the right decisions, and to teach her that there are consequences for the wrong decisions.

If you're worried that maybe you are being too hard and that it'll ruin her, let me give you a small insight... My parents were very harsh on me. When I did bad in school and brought home d's or c's i had everything taken away from me. When I shot my mouth off at a young age, i got my ass whooped, at a later age i was give 100 push ups at a time. I once thought I could stand up to my parents, I got my ass beat like you wouldn't believe. I was forced to buy my own stuff (not food and clothes, but things I wanted), and when i got in trouble, they did nt go easy on me.

As a result, I am now 22, have had at least 2 very successful jobs and am working on my 3rd, have my own apartment that I share with a room mate, drive my own car, have never been in trouble with the law, and have already learned the necessaries of life that can only come from being responsible.

Did I hate my parents back then, absolutely, and today I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Basically what I'm saying, is not to let anyone point the finger at you and say you're being too hard.