When is it my turn

[eklipz3]

I don't know what the hell is going on but i think i hit rock bottom in my life. I don't usually put my business out on front street for the world to see but i feel i have no where else to turn. I've always done what i had to do in order to succeed in life i had a good ass 9-5 that i was getting cashed the hell out for... multiple car's... friends... females... the whole 9... Then it seems like the last two years of my life went by in a flash and with it came a whole bunch of pain, heartache, drama, and bullsh*t. Some people know my story and some don't the people that do and are still there(which is a very few) i thank you for being real true people because that's what i am to you.. thru thick and thin. Aprl 18, 2007 was just like any other day before then... working my ass off gettin that $$$ and just doin me the next day i decided to go to a friends house to kick it and thats when i met the beginning of what lead up to where im at now in my life... She was beautiful, smart, sexy basically ill put it like this... everything i've ever wanting in a female was staring me right in the face and i couldn't pass it up. I played it cool the first day not tryin to show i wanted her hella bad and just chilled letting her show me how much she wanted me... but the second time i seen her i couldnt help myself and went in full force. We talked for a bit and came to the conclusion that we wanted to be together so we did the damn thang. Some time passed and everything was perfect... she wasnt working at the time but i wasn't trippin ur boy took her under his wing and made sure she was straight. We was gettin to kno each other pretty well(or so i thought)... a little bit more time passed and she wanted to move faster then what i was ready for... 2 months after we met she wanted to get a house and i wasn't ready for all that yet plus i had family business to take care of at the time and im going to add that she knew my lifestyle and what i was about when she met me but still said f**k it and got wit ur boy. I made my life about her something i never did for no one before and the only thing i messed up on in the beginning was not letting the females i was talking to before her go fast enough but i did.. like i said she knew how i was or at the point how i use to be. I thought i knew her good enough not to do me wrong but i was wrong... she turned out to be someone totally different then who she said she was. She wasn't this perfect ass female she made herself out to be and i found that out wit the quickness. First it started out with her not wanting to wait for me to get of work telling me that shes going out of town if i didnt hurry up with my job... so me being into her like i was i stopped doing the paperwork part of my job just to rush to see her(big mistake) then when it came time for her to want that house and i didnt want to move that fast she start talking to some other nigga that was "just a friend" and eventually broke up with me because she wasnt getting her way and f**ked that "friend". I fell back into thinking about me and doing me again which was good again and then a few months later i get a phone call asking me what happened... at this point in time i was talking to someone that i should have never gave up but love will blind you. Once again i was back to making my life about someone else overlooking the dirt that was done but this time things changed she became more *****y and always wondering who i was talking to or with even tho she was the one to f**k up... so we argued alot but we also had those good times everybody either wants or has. We broke up one good time AGAIN but started to work things out... there was only one prob.. when we broke up the first time she got back with her EX, he ended up going to jail in another state but was coming back. I got a phone call while i was working telling me that he was coming back but she didnt want him no more because me and her are gunna be out here together and nothin can break that up... i was dead wrong about that because she was suppose to just tell him face to face that she dont want him and guess what... she ended up layin on her back getting f**ked... but i didnt find this out til a year and three months later. Well during me once again making my life about her... i lost my job, friends, females i coulda had a better life with, and also got a $2,300 speeding ticket due to her not wanting to wait for me to get out of work(even though i didnt tell her to come up there in the first place) which that eventually made me lose my licence. I've been trying for the past year and some odd months to pick myself back up but with no licence, car, court cases, and the economy the way it is its the hardest thing i've had to go thru in my life not to mention the health problems with my fam bam so im with them helping out with everything i can. And out of all of that she left me and this time its for good... it just feels f**ked up because when i was at the best point in my life and she was in it i made sure she was cool when she didnt have sh*t... but when im at the lowest point in my life and 95% of it is because of her she wants to just up and leave telling me she needs to focus on her because she hasnt been doing that for the past four years... when if i can remember... i dont know about her ex's before me but i know for atleast the past 2 years its been nothing but her, her, her. So thats why i ask when is it my turn? When am i going to get back on my feet? People always tell me things will work out but im tired of waiting.... is this karma? I have done people wrong in the past but i've never and will never screw up someones life to where they have to start all over again from scratch. I know im leaving out alot of other things but its already hella long and i just needed to get out the hard hitting stuff because the little things dont mean a thing. Who ever reads this i thank you for taking the time outta your day to listen to me whine...lol... but i just need to get things off my chest.

[D/\SH]

wow i dont blame you for feeling the way that you do. i will prolly get slapped for this by some of the females here but the roles are changing in society. it used to be the guy that was the cheat, dickhead,heartbreaker, whore, etc..... now a days the roles have changed ad flopped and the girls are the ones cheating, whoring, and being *****es. (imo) there is always going to be that gold digger out there that doesnt want you for you but wants you for what you have since they know it ids good. you will find the girl that will sweep you from your feet and treat you right, it jsut cant be rushed and will happen. im still waiting myself, hell im 22 and the women im most interested in is the older ones like 25 or 26 since they dont have the drama and bullshit attached to them liek the younger ones and more importantly know what thery want. im sure you will find the right girl but what i feel is best for you first is to get yourself back and going in the way that you were before and once you do that get yourself a girl. there is no rush into finding one and am sure you will have no troubles when you are ready.... we got your back here and i will add ya to my prayers

D/\SH

[elboriyorker]

wow. that reminded me of my first adventure dating girls.She always got what see wanted, i treated here like a QUEEN. and It ended up i guess it was not good enough for her.But later in the years i started to play hard to get and play with there emotions,i wanted to see how far i can get,and i wanted to see how true she will be.I'm gonna tell you my technique always worked.There's another one hahahah take her to the bar and get here drunk i will say 9 or 10 the girl will spill the bean about there life and you can determine rather she right for you...I did it to all the female i dated...i hope my wife dont read this hahahahahahah i'll be in shit creek ..lol


take it easy brotha you'll find the one that will be true..


elboriyorker

[eklipz3]

Dash and PB everything you guys have said is the god honest truth... the tables have turned and it just sucks to me because like i said i use to be a player... i aint even gunna lie bout it but that was due to me gettin played when i tryed to "somewhat" be a good guy... and then when i finally say F tha games i need to grow up and do things the right way my whole life gets turned upside down... then tossed against a wall... and rinse and repeat.....lol. And PB when i get back out there and start datin again imma have to try it your way because the thing that use to kill me was that she was into me like the first month then after that it was all fun and games 2 her and i didnt see/realize it until now... i had one of those moments to where i start thinking about EVERYTHING from start to finish and realized she was a selfish, lying, cheating ass female... deff not the person i met and that she made herself out to be not only toward me but my fam also.

[gadget945]

Sweetie - I'm gonna tell you like I have told every other good hearted, decent, hard working, considerate man I have ever talked to about looking for a mate. QUIT LOOKING. You are trying so hard to find someone that you are willing to make them first in your life, and putting their wants and needs above your own and it typically winds up that those skanks will take advantage of it. You cannot put someone ahead of yourself. I know, they are important to you and you want them to love you; but you cannot make someone happy at your expense. PB has the right idea, kind of. Take her out, loosen her up and have a serious conversation about what you are looking for. Tell her that you like her and want to be with her but that relationships are PARTNERSHIPS. You are a nice guy and will treat her right, but you expect the same from her. If she just kind of laughs and giggles and flips her hair and says, "oh you are just so sweet" --- RUN!

Most women don't know what they want. A lot of them buy into the stereotype of "take care of me, but I don't have to do anything because that is your job" Those are the ones that are most sneaky by the way. They will tell you whatever you want to hear, and will take everything they can and never give anything back.

Seriously, if you quit looking, and wait for the right time in your life, then things will get better. I understand not wanting to be alone. It's nice to have someone at home who will worry when you are late, to talk to when you can't sleep, will bring you chicken soup when you are sick. All of that is not worth it if you cannot trust them.

When you meet someone that you are interested in, check out their myspace, facebook, twitter, all of it. You're a junkie, dude, use the technology. You can tell a lot about a person by what they say on their myspace or facebook. How they interact with people, what kind of pics they post, all of that makes a difference.

Check them out, talk to them, meet their friends, but give it some time. Yes, there is such a thing as love at first sight, but it is a very hard to find kind of thing. If you want to talk more, let me know, they don't call me "momma" around here for nothing.

Take care sweetie, it will all work out, it just might take some time. Take care of yourself, your family, and your general situation. Then worry about finding someone to share it with.

[eklipz3]

Originally Posted by gadget945

Sweetie - I'm gonna tell you like I have told every other good hearted, decent, hard working, considerate man I have ever talked to about looking for a mate. QUIT LOOKING. You are trying so hard to find someone that you are willing to make them first in your life, and putting their wants and needs above your own and it typically winds up that those skanks will take advantage of it. You cannot put someone ahead of yourself. I know, they are important to you and you want them to love you; but you cannot make someone happy at your expense. PB has the right idea, kind of. Take her out, loosen her up and have a serious conversation about what you are looking for. Tell her that you like her and want to be with her but that relationships are PARTNERSHIPS. You are a nice guy and will treat her right, but you expect the same from her. If she just kind of laughs and giggles and flips her hair and says, "oh you are just so sweet" --- RUN!

Most women don't know what they want. A lot of them buy into the stereotype of "take care of me, but I don't have to do anything because that is your job" Those are the ones that are most sneaky by the way. They will tell you whatever you want to hear, and will take everything they can and never give anything back.

Seriously, if you quit looking, and wait for the right time in your life, then things will get better. I understand not wanting to be alone. It's nice to have someone at home who will worry when you are late, to talk to when you can't sleep, will bring you chicken soup when you are sick. All of that is not worth it if you cannot trust them.

When you meet someone that you are interested in, check out their myspace, facebook, twitter, all of it. You're a junkie, dude, use the technology. You can tell a lot about a person by what they say on their myspace or facebook. How they interact with people, what kind of pics they post, all of that makes a difference.

Check them out, talk to them, meet their friends, but give it some time. Yes, there is such a thing as love at first sight, but it is a very hard to find kind of thing. If you want to talk more, let me know, they don't call me "momma" around here for nothing.

Take care sweetie, it will all work out, it just might take some time. Take care of yourself, your family, and your general situation. Then worry about finding someone to share it with.

Im most deff calling you momma :) lol you put a smile on my face and a word of wisdom in my head about things and i thank you for that. I am so glad to be a part of "second family" that when i need a shoulder to lean on i kno i can do just that. And i will take every word that you'll have said and imply it to my life when i get back on my feet and get going again. Thanks Dash and PB and THANK YOU MOM! :)

[gadget945]

You are more than welcome baby - you need some truth, I am more than happy to dish it out! That's what we are here for!

[PsyChoTk]

Originally Posted by gadget945

Sweetie - I'm gonna tell you like I have told every other good hearted, decent, hard working, considerate man I have ever talked to about looking for a mate. QUIT LOOKING. You are trying so hard to find someone that you are willing to make them first in your life, and putting their wants and needs above your own and it typically winds up that those skanks will take advantage of it. You cannot put someone ahead of yourself. I know, they are important to you and you want them to love you; but you cannot make someone happy at your expense. PB has the right idea, kind of. Take her out, loosen her up and have a serious conversation about what you are looking for. Tell her that you like her and want to be with her but that relationships are PARTNERSHIPS. You are a nice guy and will treat her right, but you expect the same from her. If she just kind of laughs and giggles and flips her hair and says, "oh you are just so sweet" --- RUN!

Most women don't know what they want. A lot of them buy into the stereotype of "take care of me, but I don't have to do anything because that is your job" Those are the ones that are most sneaky by the way. They will tell you whatever you want to hear, and will take everything they can and never give anything back.

Seriously, if you quit looking, and wait for the right time in your life, then things will get better. I understand not wanting to be alone. It's nice to have someone at home who will worry when you are late, to talk to when you can't sleep, will bring you chicken soup when you are sick. All of that is not worth it if you cannot trust them.

When you meet someone that you are interested in, check out their myspace, facebook, twitter, all of it. You're a junkie, dude, use the technology. You can tell a lot about a person by what they say on their myspace or facebook. How they interact with people, what kind of pics they post, all of that makes a difference.

Check them out, talk to them, meet their friends, but give it some time. Yes, there is such a thing as love at first sight, but it is a very hard to find kind of thing. If you want to talk more, let me know, they don't call me "momma" around here for nothing.

Take care sweetie, it will all work out, it just might take some time. Take care of yourself, your family, and your general situation. Then worry about finding someone to share it with.

I keep telling my friends to stop chasing girls. Expecially after a recent breakup.

Just take 6 months for YOURSELF. Relax, don't chase girls, keep up with your hobbies or if you don't have a hobbie, get a NON-destructive one.

You'll find that after 6 months you'll have a new outlook on life, plus you'll have a better understanding of what type of woman you are looking for.

Here's a tip, Show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man sick of her $h*t. Girls have BAGGAGE!!!! Especially the younger ones. I started asking psychology questions to girls I found attractive. You would be amazed what answers you'll get.

Oh and statistically, everyone marries someone they meet within 5 miles of a mutual area they both frequent. (apartments, grocery store, work, etc.)

[eklipz3]

Originally Posted by PsyChoTk

I keep telling my friends to stop chasing girls. Expecially after a recent breakup.

Just take 6 months for YOURSELF. Relax, don't chase girls, keep up with your hobbies or if you don't have a hobbie, get a NON-destructive one.

You'll find that after 6 months you'll have a new outlook on life, plus you'll have a better understanding of what type of woman you are looking for.

Here's a tip, Show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a man sick of her $h*t. Girls have BAGGAGE!!!! Especially the younger ones. I started asking psychology questions to girls I found attractive. You would be amazed what answers you'll get.

Oh and statistically, everyone marries someone they meet within 5 miles of a mutual area they both frequent. (apartments, grocery store, work, etc.)

I can feel you on that... ya my hobbie for the past 5 months has been you guys and my TP and that has been making me happy so far... atleast she doesnt cheat or make my life a living hell... just freezes from time to time or doesnt work the way i like her to but i can always "change" wut i want to about her when i need to..lol

[menikfire]

Originally Posted by eklipz3

I can feel you on that... ya my hobbie for the past 5 months has been you guys and my TP and that has been making me happy so far... atleast she doesnt cheat or make my life a living hell... just freezes from time to time or doesnt work the way i like her to but i can always "change" wut i want to about her when i need to..lol

lol i have said this so many time i lost count!! "we are like family" here bro!!!! and yeah your write some times my baby (Wckediden) dont work from time to time but hey we are still here!!! if you or i or anyone in here has something to say!!! say it!!! we are all here to listen and more importantly, we are here to learn!!! wheather its from the technological point of view or social life point of view we learn from it!!! thanks for sharing!! and well it just sucks what that chick has done to you bro
best wished to you bro hope everyting works out!!!

[tlpalmer01]

Gadget and dash r right. Yes women can be just as bad as men when it comes to that type of stuff. I have been seperated from my husband for 2 years but he still hasnt filed for divorce (it was his idea) and I dont care. I am taking care of myself now and thats what u have to do because when u feel good about yourself and are not looking that special someone will somehow find u. Thats the way I feel and I will be married again I feel. Things happen for a reason even though we may not know it at the time but if u have faith you will find happiness and love in someone that truly loves u............

[gadget945]

See, all the folks here are just concerned with you and you being happy. You have got to figure that all of the comments that you are getting are from people that have all different kinds of life experiences have a common thread. That single thing that follows through is that you have got to take care of you.

You will find someone sooner than later, sooner if you are really sincere with yourself and decide that you deserve better. By all means, don't go off the deep end and just start trolling for a piece of ass. I hardly think that is going to happen, just doesn't sound like you.

There is a happy place for you, and that is your own space, that you choose to SHARE with someone special.

It sounds kinda silly, but I'm gonna tell you this. On a personal note, kind of. My "hubby" and I are not paper married. We have been together long enough and call each other husband and wife, and thanks to the great state of Texas, if I wanna ditch him, I gotta get a piece of paper to do so.

It's not really about labels on the relationship. It's about the level of communication in a relationship. My hubby is one of those guys that will give a complete stranger the shirt off of his back for no real reason. I am pretty much the opposite; I work hard for my stuff, you gotta give me a really good reason to give it to you. Folks have used and abused him for a long time, and he keeps doing it. The point of this explanation is that someone who knows the both of us has come up with this explanation.

God put us together for a couple of reasons. There is only one person on the planet who gets to screw my hubby, and that is me. He is with me because he is here to protect the public from me. LOL, I know, not little ole me, right? I tend to go off on people that irritate me, and feel very justified in doing so. He's the front line of defense.

You know there is another thing to consider. Have you EVER been in a relationship where you are comfortable with telling your "spouse" --- 'You are REALLY pissing me off right now, get the F*** away from me' or the best one 'F*** OFF' Psychologists may disagree, but we have talked about it with each other, and have no problem saying it to one another. Doesn't happen very often, but it doesn't mean we don't love each other. It means that we are irritated to a point that things may get ugly, and someone needs to step off. You know sometimes when we get into a "heated discussion" that no one wants to leave it alone? That's when we use it.

Bottom line, it's THE most honest relationship I have ever been in. We work together all day, we sleep together at night, we literally spend 24/7/365 together. He's got my back and I've got his. Folks think we're nuts though, for spending so much time together, they don't know anyone else who can.

It's out there sweets, it really is. Just quit looking for it. Before we got together, we had decided that we weren't ever going to get into a serious relationship again. It just kinda happened over a few beers and dinner, don't know how or why, but it did.

Okay, I'm done ranting for now. Don't want to have to mod myself... LOL

[eklipz3]

I really thank ya'll for all the advise you've given it just sucks because im in the worse time of my life right now and some people around me expect me to always be happy and have a smile on my face and i hear... its just a female theres a million out there all the time.. but i think its more of a life thing because my whole world as i knew it disappeared right before my eyes and i still havent been able to recover from it and like i said its all due to her. It was like she was a tornado she was calm clouds for a bit then unleashed a world of destruction on my life and as fast as she came she left and has no remorse for it. I think even if she felt bad for what she's done i'd feel so much better but she just looks at it with a oh well attitude and that hurts. I changed my life some much for her that i've lost damn there everything i had and all i get in return is basically... you dont have sh*t no more so im gone.

[PsyChoTk]

Originally Posted by gadget945

Psychologists may disagree,

Not to get on my soaelboriyorkerox or thread cra*. I think the term you were looking for was Psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is a doctor who went to med school and for whatever reason decided to take the lowest paid doctor position as a psychiatrist. They hand out psy pills like it's candy at a parade and they get PAID by the pharmaceutical compaines like regular doctors. Psychologists spend an average of 6.5 years in grad school AFTER thier B.A. degrees, where they specialize in how the brain works, but they CAN'T prescribe ANY medication. However, the trend is changing and more states are FINALLY allowing Psychologists to write meds. After all they have a Doctoral degree...................anyway, I'm sure supe will back me on this, just right not he's scratching his head at what I mean. LOL.

Originally Posted by eklipz3

it just sucks because im in the worse time of my life right now

I'll leave you with these parting thoughts. Break ups, of any kind especially marriage, has the same emotional attachment, and intensity as the death of a spouse, only with a break up the person is still alive. What you are feeling inside is NORMAL. You should start to feel better after about 3 months. Yea, I know. In the meantime if you are having trouble sleeping, I assume you are, go to your general practice doctor, tell him what’s going on, be brief, and ask for something to help you sleep.

For the rest of the time, you need to decide if all the drama is worth staying with her. There must have been a reason for you fell so hard for her, but people grow apart, for whatever reason. (I have some CRAZY stories) But you need to make a decision. Is your emotion, and eventually physical health worth staying, or it's forth and long, so you need to punt and move on. Or move out, get separated, take some time apart, etc. BUT, if you do stay with her, you would smart to get BOTH of you into see a family counselor. I used to not believe in the "quack cr*p," but now that I’m older I’m all about it. Much to a fault as you have seen my posts lately.

It doesn't matter if you tell your dog, a close friend, post here, write it on a bar napkin, but talking about your problems by any means helps. So post away brother, we'll listen. If it comes down to it pm me. I'll help as best I can. Same goes for daisy.

[gadget945]

Honey, it's gonna suck, it's gonna hurt, and it ain't gonna get better anytime soon.

For the people around you that expect you to be happy all the time - tell them you appreciate their concern, but you are trying to realistically handle a bad breakup.

There are over a million eligible, single women out there. Just not the right one for you, not right now. In a minute, maybe.

You do need to accept some responsibility in the way things worked out though. The fact that she was a skank and screwed you over is a big portion of the situation, but you let her do it. You have got to stick up for yourself. All wounds that you experience in life are self-inflicted. You gave someone permission to take control over your situation and you thought you were doing the right thing, that she wouldn't hurt you because you loved her.

I am really just trying to be realistic about the situation, been there, done that. I have been married three times, countless boyfriends and toys later, and here I am. It takes a lot of work to make a relationship work. It takes some give and take. But if folks are just taking it's not a relationship.

Stay true to yourself, tell yourself you are a good person. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. It's all good and things will get better.

On a side note, if you wanna pay for plane fare, I will come out there and whip her good for you, if you think that would help. :blowkiss: If you think a change of scenery would help, you could always come down here and melt with the rest of us!:qq:

[tlpalmer01]

not too go off topic but gadget u brought a smile to my face, u are one tough momma,

but seriously gadget is absolutely correct along with everyones little bit of advice, things will be ok, it may be a long road to get to that place but things will improve........

[Mike20PR]

my word of advice bro, just do you and stop looking like gadget said. you need to concentrate on your life cuz after all your well being come first and the right girl will come along to compliment it. hell any girl that makes you bend over backwards to cater to her needs isn't worth it. if she want to kick it wit you she should encourage your efforts and sacrifices to make your life come together and do the same herself, not ride on it to leave you flat. the real deal wont care if you broke, got no car or s#it, she'll want you for you so if anything other than that happens, just brush it off cuz its asking 4 trouble

hell i remember dating a chick that was smoking hot and sweet as a cupcake but i had no job at the time, and not the best car,i took her out as much as i could and did the impossible to make her happy till i got to my feet again but sadly after a night on the town my car broke down wit like 6 pple in it. her, my best homie, and 4 of her friends. guess what?? the only one who really helped me was my homie and one of her friends (not her) to push the car aside and leave it there till I could pick it up the next day wit a flatbed and wait for my sis to pick all of us up dat nite. she never held my hand or showed compassion on the ride back when it was prolly the worst nite of my life cuz i lost my wallet that nite as well wit my license, cards, etc. so i felt i lost everything cuz the car blew the engine...GUESS WHAT?? She broke up with me the next day.....

I met my current GF on valentines day last year and guess what?? i had no car, money, or job... and guess what?? she stuck with me to THIS DAY (1 year 5 months later) till i got back on my feet cuz i recentlly got a steady job at the end of may and started to gain everything back, i could not believe she would put up with that for so long but she did, that proves the value of someone who wants to be wit you and i suggest you not focusing on chicks that hold you back and try to keep a lookout for someone who stick wit u through thick and thin bro...

[eklipz3]

I feel ya'll on everything... i mean i think its more of a hurting pain knowing that i had so many good things going on in my life and i was stupid enough to fall so deep for her and let my life goto crap while im makin sure her's is fine and then she goes and does that stuff to me while we was together and break up with me afterward... i can handle break up's but ruinin my life and then just up and leaving... all i can say is wow.... wtf happen. I mean i had it good before her and a lil bit during her i think the first time we broke up i shoulda just left it at that because i still had my life straight but i guess its tru what they say... never trust a big butt and a smile cuz she sure in the hell was poison. And momma you are right i do have myself to blame because i shoulda had somewhat of a guard up no matter what she said.. Thank All Of You For Your Support!